A Review (of sorts) of Deep Fried Lard 2019
....and so it came to pass that on the first Saturday of July in the year of our Lard Twenty Nineteen, the only Lard show north of the Border did take place and, verily, it was much enjoyed by those who did attend and, verily, they did give thanks to that Laird of Lard, Derek Hodge for the Lard Miester, Richard Clark, did move among them, making the throng merry with his puns and they did give up many a groan in thanks. Also with the Lard Miester came his close chum and confidant, St Sydney of the Roundwood, patron saint of 2mm wargaming, oddcasting and dandy wargamers, none of whom attended, the gathered masses being generally a scruffy lot and far beyond his influence....amen.
So, yeah, Deep Fried Lard 2019; it was a gas. Planned and arranged, I believe, on the back of a fag packet (cigarette packet if you are a former colonial), as ever, by Derek Hodge and that sufficed as it went almost seamlessly. It was held at Musselburgh Rugby Club, near Edinburgh; a decent wee venue for this sort of thing with sufficient space for the games put on and a decently stocked bar.
The games presented included three games of Sharp Practice, two of Dux Britanniarum, one of Chain of Command, two games of Bag The Hun and one of Charlie Don't Surf. These were spread across two gaming sessions; one in the morning and one in the afternoon with those of us who put on games being given first choice of which game we would like to play when we weren't running our own game, if you catch my drift.
The games presented included three games of Sharp Practice, two of Dux Britanniarum, one of Chain of Command, two games of Bag The Hun and one of Charlie Don't Surf. These were spread across two gaming sessions; one in the morning and one in the afternoon with those of us who put on games being given first choice of which game we would like to play when we weren't running our own game, if you catch my drift.
All the games were put on by Lard enthusiasts less for the Chain Of Command game which was run by Rich Clark, who is an enthusiast and originator. The games were divided thus;
Morning session; two games of Dux Britanniarum with one being set in Troy the other in the games original period of the Dark Ages. Two Games of Sharp Practice; one set in the Garibaldi period and the other during the Indian Mutiny. Rich ran his Chain of Command game, set in France during the Blitzkrieg. Then there was Charlie Don't Surf (though I think he should) and Bag The Mig, a fantastic adaptation of Bag The Hun with fast(ish) jets and lumbering WW2 era bombers. I played this game and it was excellent.
Afternoon Session; Bag the Hun set in WW2, two games of Sharp Practice; the Garibaldi era one again and yours truly's Napoleonic romp with the French and Austrians. I think, though don't quote me, that the Dux Britanniarum Troy game was ran again in the afternoon too. |
| A lardon of Too Fat Lardies gamers collected together for no good purpose other than to enjoy a rather spiffing day of Lardie games |
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| Indian Mutiny Sharp Practice game ran by Charlie Walker. Excellent terrain and some hilariously named leaders. |
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| Trojan Dux Britanniarum being set up... |
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| ....and in full flight. Very nice looking indeed. |
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| Jaw dropping Grand Manner buildings set up for the Garibaldi period Sharp Practice game |
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| Just look at it!! It's effing awesome!! |
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| ...and just to prove how effingly awesome it is, here's the interior courtyard; "But soft; what light through yonder window breaks?..." William Shakespeare and Franco Zeffarelli eat your hearts out |
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| The Garabaldi Sharp Practice game in full flow. A Splendid vista |
This was my first game of Bag The Mig/Hun and I really enjoyed it. Like a lot of the Lardy games they are fairly easy to pick up and enjoy. I won't review the rules themselves here; I am not well enough acquainted with them to do them any sort of justice so I'll stick to describing Saturday's scenario which was an escort mission for myself and Dave, each controlling two Sabre jets and having joint control over a flight of B26 Invaders. The fiendish Chinese had three flights of two Mig 15s each. Our mission was "simple", escort the bombers of the table edge with points gained for each one that made it safely off the table; similarly the Chinese players gained points for knocking down our planes.
I am certain that once you know these rules, games move very fast. However as we were novices it often took a wee bit of working out what were the best options to take when our chips came out of the bag. That being said, as this was a Lardy event, we all took those rule book referencing moments (there weren't that many, certainly not as many as there were during my game) in our stride and enjoyed it for what it was; a bit of fun. And it was definitely that, so much so that I plan to indulge myself when next Tumbling Dice come north of the Border, which should be at Claymore Wargames Show in Edinburgh next month. The hex marked mat might be one for the birthday wish list though. But never mind my wish listing; thanks again to Tom for putting on such an enjoyable introductory game; in case I haven't made it clear enough, I really, really enjoyed it. Thanks also to Dave, Dougie and the other chap whose name still eludes me, for being such sporting and patient players
And that leads me onto the afternoon and my own efforts at running a game. My involvement with Deep Fried Lard had began and ended back in January when I had offered to run a game of Dux Britanniarum and then promptly had to cancel as there was every chance that I wouldn't get time off from work to attend.
Derek hadn't read my email till about two weeks ago (he's a busy guy) and he had contacted me to see if I would be able to run a game. By now, my work situation was a bit more stable and I was able to arrange the day off for Deep Fried Lard.
However it wasn't until last week's inaugural Glasgow Games Show that I managed to speak with Derek face to face |(not very pleasant for him, let me tell you, good people) when we were able to confirm my running a game.
That done, I changed tack and instead of the Dux Britanniarum game I had offered to run initially I offered to run a game of Napoleonic Sharp Practice instead with the French coming up against the Austrians.
I figured I had everything I needed so organising the game; scenario, forces, terrain etc would be straight forward in the short time period I had prepare. Being abit daft and open to suggestion and inspiration I was foolishly inspired to pick up a small vignette set from Colonel Bills Depot Battalion line, too whit M' Lady's Bathtime, which I hoped would figure in that game and add some humour and some friction.
This prompted me to paint up the Stables building produced by Hoka Hey that I had bought to go with the Inn. As I wanted to cover the joint holes on the walls and give the walls some texture I "painted" the walls with a mixture of ready mixed filler, PVA glue, household emulsion paint and a splash of water which was then dabbed with sponge as it was drying to improve the rough texture. The wooden frame and roof were painted black then mid and light brown to give an impression of weathering. I then threw together a base for it from a piece of hardboard textured with Vallejo Earth paste. And I am quite pleased with the results, I must say.
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| Sabres rattling over Korea |
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| Sabres and Mig15s on course for action |
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| The US force at the beginning of the game |
And that leads me onto the afternoon and my own efforts at running a game. My involvement with Deep Fried Lard had began and ended back in January when I had offered to run a game of Dux Britanniarum and then promptly had to cancel as there was every chance that I wouldn't get time off from work to attend.
Derek hadn't read my email till about two weeks ago (he's a busy guy) and he had contacted me to see if I would be able to run a game. By now, my work situation was a bit more stable and I was able to arrange the day off for Deep Fried Lard.
However it wasn't until last week's inaugural Glasgow Games Show that I managed to speak with Derek face to face |(not very pleasant for him, let me tell you, good people) when we were able to confirm my running a game.
That done, I changed tack and instead of the Dux Britanniarum game I had offered to run initially I offered to run a game of Napoleonic Sharp Practice instead with the French coming up against the Austrians.
I figured I had everything I needed so organising the game; scenario, forces, terrain etc would be straight forward in the short time period I had prepare. Being abit daft and open to suggestion and inspiration I was foolishly inspired to pick up a small vignette set from Colonel Bills Depot Battalion line, too whit M' Lady's Bathtime, which I hoped would figure in that game and add some humour and some friction.
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| Depot Battalion's M'Lady's Bath set |
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| M'Lady. La Contessa, in the bath dressed as nature intended and out of the bath, corset fitted, make up artfully applied, hair done and, hey presto, what a transformation |
I then approached the whole thing in my usual kack handed manner, starting with a nub of an idea that both sides would be attempting to reach La Contessa first to rescue/capture her. The friction/humour would come in with the manners of the period making it impossible for a gentleman to impose on a lady and order her to leave her bath so that despite who ever reached her first, there would be a good chance that their opponent would catch up with them and then the fun would begin in earnest. So far, so good. I proceeded to get the M'Lady's Bathtime set painted over a couple of evenings whilst mulling over terrain and what to use.
I have in my terrain collection a few of Hoka Hey's MDF buildings, chief among which is their Inn building which is an impressive structure that usually dominates any table it graces. However to make this scenario work it needed to have separate rooms in the upper floors. So I set too with some foam board and a few MDF dooors from Warbases and divided the upper floors thus
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| The top floor, where La Contessa was staying |
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| The first floor, split three ways, the long narrow room on the right side being an upper landing for the imaginary stairs |
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| Ground floor bar/dining area. The tables and barrels etc are by Ainstie Castings. I seriously toyed with idea of using coffee stirrers to make the planking on the floor but came to my senses and painted the floor boards instead; time being of the essence and all that jazz |
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| The terrain lay out without the wife sleeping under it. The Inn and stables are top right with Hoka Hey's Wealdon House top left. |
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| Idyllic pastoral scenes. I did play the opening movement of Beethoven's Symphony 6 The Pastoral at the start of the game but it was so noisy in the club room that it was impossible to hear it above the racket produced by those uncultured swine!! |
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| Milly the Miller's daughter, rejoicing as she is bringing in the sheaves to the windmill |
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| Farm hands busy cutting the wheat |
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| Stables and paddock. The wooden framed house in the back ground is Hoka Hey's Wealdon House |
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| Box of hedges; seven and a half feet worth. |
Last but by no means least, I sat up on Friday night rolling for the various leaders characteristics and writing them down in my bestest hand writing before heading for bed, tired but happy.
And so to the actual game on the big day. The game was played by Graham, a new comer to the game, and Tom who had played Sharp Practice first edition but not much of the second edition, citing his frustration with some aspects of the rules as his reason for giving it up. I think I can honestly say I have probably put him off for life.
Graham chose to play the part of the French while Tom took the Austrians. The scenario then, was this; It is 1805 and La Contessa, femme fatale and friend of the Revolution had been captured by the Austians, commanded by Kapitan Otto Traedor, and was being held in the inn in rural Bavaria prior to being dispatched to Vienna to answer charges of treason. The French general, General D'Ismay, being the lover of La Contessa, had decided to put his best man onto the case and had dispatched Capitaine Richard D'Astardly, a capitaine of the Chassuers, to free La Contessa.
Now, I make no bones about it, I was rooting for the French in this game, if only because I wanted to see how the narrative part would play out. If and when the French rescuers had reached La Contessa's boudoir door they would have found it locked and an indignant voice from beyond the door would declare that she was "in ze bath!" and that the rescuers were to wait till she was ready. I had a card written out with this information and the task limit the French needed to reach before La Contessa decided to get dressed.
As it was, the French force that deployed next to the inn wasn't strong enough to defeat the group of Austrian fusiliers guarding the inn (and enjoying a tipple into the bargain, no doubt). There ensued a rather bloody bout of fisticuffs that left each side much reduced with the French Lieutenant Sartre wounded and reduced to a Leader 1 and the Austrian Feldwebel Karl D'Lippe, dead. The French moral dropped a few notches whilst the Austrians weren't too bothered by the passing of Feldwebel Lippe (curiously one of his characteristics I rolled for the night before was Vile Individual which was reflected in the Bad Things Happen roll for the Austrians. No one was bothered by his demise!!)
The French were then on to a hiding to nothing with their boss, General D'Ismay, looking on. Their moral was down from 9 to 6 by the tine we had to finish, whilst the Austrians were still on 11, but as this was Graham's first game and I was advising him that's not surprising.
However, he was a game fellow, young Graham, if nothing else and, with help from myself and Tom, played his hand as best he could. He even managed to get Lieutenant Sartre and his remaining Voltiguer onto a balcony on the first floor, planning to at least get as far as La Contessa and to hold off the Austrians till the French main force arrived. Unfortunately they were headed off by Leutnant Stepan Krappe and his group of Jaeger who took possession of the first floor. And so it was that we ran out of time with the French having taking a bit of a bloody nose and the poor General D'Ismay not getting his bit of tottie back from the clutches of fiendish Austrians and La Comtessa's bath time went uniterrupted.
Graham chose to play the part of the French while Tom took the Austrians. The scenario then, was this; It is 1805 and La Contessa, femme fatale and friend of the Revolution had been captured by the Austians, commanded by Kapitan Otto Traedor, and was being held in the inn in rural Bavaria prior to being dispatched to Vienna to answer charges of treason. The French general, General D'Ismay, being the lover of La Contessa, had decided to put his best man onto the case and had dispatched Capitaine Richard D'Astardly, a capitaine of the Chassuers, to free La Contessa.
Now, I make no bones about it, I was rooting for the French in this game, if only because I wanted to see how the narrative part would play out. If and when the French rescuers had reached La Contessa's boudoir door they would have found it locked and an indignant voice from beyond the door would declare that she was "in ze bath!" and that the rescuers were to wait till she was ready. I had a card written out with this information and the task limit the French needed to reach before La Contessa decided to get dressed.
As it was, the French force that deployed next to the inn wasn't strong enough to defeat the group of Austrian fusiliers guarding the inn (and enjoying a tipple into the bargain, no doubt). There ensued a rather bloody bout of fisticuffs that left each side much reduced with the French Lieutenant Sartre wounded and reduced to a Leader 1 and the Austrian Feldwebel Karl D'Lippe, dead. The French moral dropped a few notches whilst the Austrians weren't too bothered by the passing of Feldwebel Lippe (curiously one of his characteristics I rolled for the night before was Vile Individual which was reflected in the Bad Things Happen roll for the Austrians. No one was bothered by his demise!!)
The French were then on to a hiding to nothing with their boss, General D'Ismay, looking on. Their moral was down from 9 to 6 by the tine we had to finish, whilst the Austrians were still on 11, but as this was Graham's first game and I was advising him that's not surprising.
However, he was a game fellow, young Graham, if nothing else and, with help from myself and Tom, played his hand as best he could. He even managed to get Lieutenant Sartre and his remaining Voltiguer onto a balcony on the first floor, planning to at least get as far as La Contessa and to hold off the Austrians till the French main force arrived. Unfortunately they were headed off by Leutnant Stepan Krappe and his group of Jaeger who took possession of the first floor. And so it was that we ran out of time with the French having taking a bit of a bloody nose and the poor General D'Ismay not getting his bit of tottie back from the clutches of fiendish Austrians and La Comtessa's bath time went uniterrupted.
All things being equal, I think Graham and Tom enjoyed the game. And I think I managed to get across some idea of the depth of character the game has to offer rather than just having a straight forward dust up.
Anyway, here's the photos I managed to take when I remembered to get my camera out.
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| French Chassuers forming line |
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| General D'Ismay and his cotterie await the safe delivery of La Contessa |
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| The Austrian Jaegers take advantage of the hedgerows to pepper the approaching French |
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| Austrian deployment point |
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| a somewhat battered Lt Sartre and his one remaining Voltiguer come up with a cunning plan |
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| ...which comes to naught as the Austrians pound up the stairs in the inn, thwarting Sartre's plan |
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| It does make for a nice photo though, I think |
So that Deep Fried Lard for another year. It was time to pack up and to head for the pub to enjoy a beer or three (or endure an alcohol free Becks Blue if you were driving) and not a few laughs, It was nice to spend a bit of time chatting away with folk and getting to know them a bit better. Then it was off to a local Indian restaurant for the obligatory curry, no Lardy event being complete without curry and cooking lager before yours truly had to head back to Glasgow, knackered but happy whilst most of the others headed to the pub to get bladdered, the lucky swine!!
I'm already planning to take part in next years event with at least two ideas of what I would like to run, work permitting of course but let's never say never, eh..
pip pip for the noo,
Jim
