In Her Majesty's Name batrep.The Case of the Dancer And The Bishop

The Grey Section Files  

The British Secret Service Records as recalled
 by Watchmaster Mr William T McGonagall

Grey Section of the Secret Service Bureau. L to R, Barney

Stockdale, Neville St Claire, Josiah Amberley, Watch

Commander William Topaz McGonagall, Jabez Wilson,

Hilton Cibbit and Dennis "Dandy" Nichols

File no. 27A; The Abduction Of Miss Ava Goodbody

     T'was in the spring of '95

When last we saw Miss Goodbody alive,

Our promise to protect her we couldnae keep,

For the Pontiff's agents, with intentions deep,

Upon us, in stealth, did creep.

And catching us all unawares

Forcibly removed Miss Goodbody from our care!!

                                   William T. McGonagall

     In the early in April of 1895 when I was called into the Chief's office down in Battersea for a briefing. The Chief at the time was the redoubtable young Edinburgh lassie, Miss Emma Austen, whom I held in the highest esteem. As I was shown into her large office, she was sat behind a great, oaken desk piled high with papers, a tea set of unusually delicate blue china, a tray of sandwiches and a macrame set. Both the windows in the office were thrown wide open and there was a strong smell of gun oil in the air. The chief looked up "I'll be with you in a moment, Mr McGonagall. Please take a seat and help yourself to tea and a sandwich" I nodded my thanks, drew up a chair and helped myself to a cucumber sandwich and a cup of Earl Grey.

     Behind the desk, Miss Austen was busy cleaning a revolver. I whistled in admiration "My but thon's a grand looking pistol you have there, Miss Austen; would that be one of Mr Webley's remarkable service revolvers?" The Chief, as I shall refer to Miss Austen smiled. "Well spotted, Mr McGonagall; it is indeed one of the same. I recently had a run in with a group of scoundrels whilst I was carrying out some Government business, who, it transpired, were hell bent on doing me and my colleagues some mischief. We saw them off after an exchange of shots but I was somewhat disappointed with the stopping power of the Colt Derringer I had tucked into my....that I was carrying, I only managed to wound the two fiends I hit. However, hearing wonderful reports from military chums about the new Webley I decided to indulge. I have just been trying it in the staff dining room; after the clerk's and the staff had finished their lunch of course" she said, chuckling. "I must say it certainly lives up to it's reputation. I must confess I wouldn't mind having a brace of them but I fear it will be difficult enough to conceal one in my handbag let alone two" She was frowning now.

     I smiled at her enthusiasm and replied "Man, but I must say I wouldnae have minded having one o' them back in '78 out in Kabul  when I was attached to poor Sir Louis Cavagnari's staff in an, shall we say, advisory capacity. Man, I can still see those savages running into the entrance hall, brandishing their pulwars and Sir Louis standing there in his mess dress, sword in one hand and a glass of brandy in the other; he fair enjoyed a glass of brandy, did Sir Louis,  facing them down, and urging me to get back to Calcutta with the information about the....Fair broke my heart to leave the brave gentleman to the mercies of thon savages but we both new the importance of the information I carried in my head that day...och but I am rambling, Miss Austen; would you care to tell me why you sent for me?"

     The Chief placed the now gleaming revolver into a very prettily macramed handbag and, setting the bag aside, turned to me. "The reason I have called you here, Mr McGonagall, is that I have a job for your section that is a matter of some  urgency; tell me, have you heard of an organisation known as The Cognoscenti?" 

     "The Cognoscenti" I replied, gripping the arms of my chair "The infamous murderers of Mr Babbage!! Those vile servants of the Papacy who fly in the face of progress and are intent on holding back Mankind's advance!!"

      "The very fiends" she replied. I leaned forward in my chair"Whit o' them, ma'am? What are the vile dogs up to now?" The Chief reached into a drawer and drew out a large manila folder, crammed full of papers and tied neatly with a piece of string. "This is what we have at the moment on the 

Cognoscenti's doings here in Great Britain. As you can see they have been busy but then so have we" here she indicated the bulging folder. "One of our agents; Miss Ava Goodbody, in the guise of a theatrical dancer has befriended the Bishop of Fulchester as part of her investigations. Agent Goodbody has telegraphed to say she had gained some vital information but was unable to send it by post. Instead she would deliver it in person" I listened intently, brows knitted. "The Cognoscenti are on her tail and to avoid disclosing our head quarter's location, she is headed for a safe house in Southam. I want you to take your section, meet her there and bring her in, preferably in one piece" here she gave me a knowing look. The Hardingan Affair again, I thought, recalling a recent mission that had gone somewhat awry.

     "Dinnae worry, Chief, I won't let you down twice in a row" I ventured, sitting upright, my pride stung. Her features smoothed as the look disappeared "I'm sure you wont, Mr McGonagall; I shouldn't like to face the Prime Minister again after such a debacle. Here is the address of the safe house, now off you go" So saying she took a sandwich from the plate, bit into and screwed up her face in disgust "Oh dear, I should have cleaned that gun oil from my hands.."

      

     In the departments telegraph office I sent a cable to my section house then departed on my mission. In the lee of the Anglican Church of Southam I met up with my team; this consisted of three of my "Hounds" the dapper Dandy Nichols, the burly Barney Stockdale and the diminutive but deadly Hilton Cubbit. They were joined by two of the more dangerous Hard Contractors the Section employed, Mr Josiah Amberly and Mr Jabez Wilson, both rather mad and somewhat dangerous but extremely effective hence the reason the Bureau employed them. "What's afoot then, Mr Mac?" inquired Dandy. "What's afoot?" says I "Well you might ask. One of our agents is being pursued by none other than those curs, the Cognoscenti. She, Miss Ava Goodbody" at this Jabez giggled. I gave him a stern look" As I was saying, Miss Goodbody should be safely ensconced in a hoose aroun' the corner, number 18 to be precise, awaiting oor arrival. We need to get her oot o' there and back to the department post haste. Dandy, Mr Wilson will accompany you to cover the market square; Hilton, you and Mr Amberly will watch the far end o' the street; Barney, you and I will get Miss Goodbody"  Wilson giggled again at the Lord knows what as we all set of. As we rounded the corner, I was thunderstruck to see several red robed figures on the far side of the market square; the Cognoscenti!! 

     "No time for subtlety noo, lads" I cried. "Barney! Wae me, lad; Dandy, Hilton take Mr Wilson and Amberly and keep those rogues occupied!"    

Miss Ava Goodbody, A fellow member of the British
Secret Service Bureau 

McGonagall and his section set of on their mission

One of the infernal Cognoscenti advances, crossbow in hand

As the fearless members of Grey Section advance to meet
the invidious threat from these agents of the Vatican

      Barney and I dashed down the street towards number 18. Reaching the front door, Barney, a giant of a man, former sergeant major of the Royal Marines turned circus strongman, threw his not inconsiderable bulk at the front door which flew open under the impact. "I'll take the first floor, sah!" he called over his shoulder and dashed up the stairs. As he did a red robed figure sprinted into the hall behind Barney. "No so fast" I cried, stepping on the trailing edge of fiends robe. I had the satisfaction of seeing him half choke himself as his cloak gathered around his neck. He spun around and I swiftly felled him with the butt of my pistol and, as he slumped unconscious against a nearby door it swung open. Stepping over the prone figure I looked inside, calling out "Miss Goodbody, are ye there" but there was no reply. 

     As I stepped back into the hall, I could hear shots ringing out in the streets and the sounds of screams and the neighing of horses. There'll be more questions in Parliament I thought and more blaming of the anarchist element of London's populace. Footsteps sounded, descending the stairs. "I have her, Mr Mac, sir" said Barney, descending swiftly followed by a very good looking young woman "Miss Goodbody, I presume?" I said. She smiled and nodded "William Topaz McGonagall at your service, ma'am" I continued. "We are here tae escort you home; shall we go?". "Certainly" she replied calmly "Are you affairs always carried out attended by so much fuss, Mr McGonagall?" stepping over the unconscious Cognoscenti agent. "No ma'am, but you seem to have several, shall we say, ardent admirers, seeking an audience. Best we get awa' fae here as quick as possible. We hae a carriage behind thon church" So saying I stepped out of the front door only to discover our foes were closing in on us. 
   

Barney introduces himself to Miss Goodbody

McGonagall lays one of the Cognoscenti out cold

Out in the market square the numbers of the Cognoscenti swell

Dandy Nicholls single-handedly holds back four of the devils

Out in the street, the situation appears desperate for Grey Section

....very desperate

     "Barney lad, tak' Miss Goodbody and make a run for it; Hilton and I will haud them back" I cried, pushing the burly ex-marine and Miss Goodbody towards the church yard. As two red robed fiends charged towards us I stepped in front of them, levelled my pistol and fired. Damn but did I not hit one of them but, staggering momentarily the dog came on with his side kick and before I could discharge my pistol a second time, they were upon me. A few blows were exchanged before before I was struck on the temple and all went black...

Mr McGonagall attempts to slow down the pursuit

As Barney and Miss Goodbody rush towards the
church and Hilton Cubbit gets between them and
the agents of the Cognoscenti

     The next thing I can recall was someone waving a bottle of smelling salts beneath my nostrils and a voice saying "Ah, he's coming round" I opened my eyes to find myself being propped up by Barney as Dandy Nicholls waved the bottle of smelling salts under my nose. Behind him stood the rest of the section. I pushed away Dandy's hand none to gently "Whaur's Miss Goodbody?" I asked. The men exchanged nervous looks. "They have fled with her, Mr Mac , sir" said Dandy. I struggled to my feet and gently touched the lump on my head, wincing in pain as I did. "Hoo long hiv' ah been out, lads? And why are ye all still herE? Why are you not pursuing those dogs?". Replacing the stopper in his bottle of smelling salts and putting the bottle back in the medical case that he always carried with him, the former Army doctor, Dandy said suavely "You've only been unconscious for a few moments" As he said this he took a small vial from a pocket in his case "Take this, Mr Mac;m doctor's orders" he continued seeing the look of concern on my face "And on the house...well, the Bureau; down in one! " he added. I opened the vial and swallowed the nasty tasting concoction it contained. Almost instantaneously I felt my body glow with renewed vigour "By jingo! That's marvelous; what is it, man?" I ejaculated. "No time for explanations, Mr Mac; perhaps one day I'll tell you, meanwhile we must get on the trail of those red robed devils and away from here before the authorities turn up and start asking awkward questions" By now my sense were almost fully returned. I pocketed my Derringer which was lying on the ground next to me and said "Which way, lads?" 

     Hilton Cubbit spoke up in his slow, Canadian drawl. "I reckon we had best split up, Mr Mac; I saw which way they headed and I reckon I know where they're headed. If we split up we'll cover more territory that way" I nodded my assent "What dae ye suggest, Mr Cubbit?". He finished loading the new fangled semi-automatic pistol he was carrying and placed it away in a shoulder holster. "Well, if Dandy and Mr Amberly come with me, we'll head up this here street toward Southam Main Street and while you, Barney and Mr Wilson can take the market square towards the Main Street. I believe they are heading for the Templar Church on Southam Main Street; we can converge on them from two sides, this way" 

     I pondered, lacking any other plan or suggestion of one I decided we should follow his suggestion; better to do something as do nothing as Grandmother used to say. " A  grand suggestion, Hilton; let's us go, gentlemen" And so saying we parted and set off in hot pursuit.   

Dandy, Hilton and Mr Amberley set off. Up ahead the agents
of the Cognoscenti await them

Barney sprints off, Mr McGonagall and Mr Wilson bringing
up the rear 

An ill disguised ambush party of Cognoscenti wait at the far
end of the market square 

The ambush is sprung by one of the Cognoscenti disguised
as a turnip salesman

McGonagall and Barney wrestled with the forces of the Vatican

Whilst Mr Wilson draws the attention of their leader and one
of his underlings

A member of the public stares on in horror at the depredations
taking place in Southam Market Square

     As Barney and I reached the far end of the square, a rather callow, down at heel looking turnip salesman deliberately thrust his barrow of turnips in front of us and leapt at me. Barney shoved him off, crying "Look out Mr Mac; e's one of them!" True enough he was an agent of the Cognoscenti. As we grappled with him I caught sight of two more of the Papal pests emerging from the doorway of a nearby building. "More o' them, Barney lad!" I cried, my right fist connecting with the turnip salesman/Cognoscenti agents jaw. "You get going after Miss Goodbody; I'll keep this lot amused" Barney shook off the turnip salesman/agent of the Cognoscenti and took to his heels, heading for the Main Street and, hopefully, Miss Goodbody. But already the Cognoscenti were after him but they weren't quick enough.I just had time to see him shoulder one of them aside and turn the corner into Main Street before my attention was drawn back to my assailants..
      Above the now considerable hullaballoo that was echoing off the walls of the buildings surrounding the Market Square and the grunted Latin that my swarthy enemies were muttering as we struggled I could hear the shrill and welcoming sound of many police whistles. So did my enemies, who, shoving me to the ground tipped the contents of the turnip cart onto me before running off as the first police wagon careened into the Market Square.

Shocking behaviour to behold in London's streets;
whatever is the world coming too

To Be Continued...

     Well that was rollicking, great fun. My chum, Jamie and I had our first, proper games of In Her Majesty's Name (and not our last, I imagine). They are a great set of rules and the various supplements give plenty of flavour to the various companies available.

     We played two linked games back to back. The first was Bring Him Back Alive in which Grey Section attempted to get Miss Goodbody safely away from the Cognoscenti's unwelcome attentions. The second one was Breakthrough in which one side must get one figure off his opponents table edge. The results of these gave me the bones for the narrative you have just read (and enjoyed, I hope)

      I was impressed with my Grey Section chaps but less so with my dice rolling which seemed to indicate that some of my fellows had glass jaws judging by the way they went down in combat. Still, there's plenty of character in them for me to build on.

     Jamie's Cognoscenti are tough customers; driven by a fanatical devotion to the Pope and, yes you guessed it, nice red uniforms; it must be that Jesuit upbringing they are exposed to from childhood. That and their Fanatic rule kept a couple of the scoundrels in the fight, much to my dismay. However, all is not lost and my chaps will be back to rescue Miss Goodbody and to make sure the Cognoscenti think twice about operating on Britain's green and pleasant lands; especially if McGonagall wants to avoid a less convivial chat with Miss Austen!

     I hope you enjoyed the batrep as much as we enjoyed playing out the games.

pip pip,

Jimbob