Sharp Practice: Bring Back My Bonny To Me!

Introduction I don't know if you can recall, dear reader, back in October 2020 when I last posted a Sharp Practice battle report. Back then I had a flurry of games; solo and a one v one with Richie, and one of the solo games was that first Sharp Practice game. Also part of the flurry was a second Sharp Practice game fought between the two forces that appeared in the previous game; the French and The Austrians.   I based this scenario on a game I had ran at Deep Fried Lard last year; Scenario Six; Rescue Mission which I have blogged about here Deep Fried Lard 2019 . To be honest it was a bit of a stramash, as we say up here in Scotchland, though I think the chaps playing it had fun...that or they were damned good actors and very polite to boot as they didn't say anything negative, or give me a Chinese wrist burn nor beat me up, for which I was very grateful!

Anyway, I decided that this mission would be worth a revisit with pretty much the same cast of characters but with a reduced gaming area. To that end the small Bavarian town of Muschelgemeinde became, for one brief day, the centre of a raging though small battle between the forces of the French Empire and that of the Austrian in 1806. For it was at the Bischofskopf Inn in Muschelgemeinde the Contessa Torta Di Lardo was being detained by the Austrian Army under suspicion of spying for the forces of Bonaparte. La Contessa, as she will be referred to in this narrative, was known to have won the affections of a bold and cunning French general by the name of General James Stuart Charles McSournois, grandson of an émigré Scot. Not one for giving up a claim on a lady's affections, especially one as worldly and ravishing as La Contessa, McSournois has made one of his bold strokes and led a small detachment of his best men forward to rescue La Contessa from the clutches of the Austrians.. 

Muschelgemeinde and the Bischofskopf Inn

Cast Of Characters

La Contessa Torta Di Lardo, spirited
beauty and suspected spy

General McSournois; he gets what he wants and he wants
La Contessa....though he is sending someone else to do the
actual getting! But why have a dog and bark yourself as he
was wont to observe

Capitaine Richard D'Astardly of the 30th Legere; experienced,
trusted, dogged and determined. General McSournois knows that
D'Astardly is a man who never fails...well, not often

Ensign "Cherubino" Carrion-de Notte, nephew of Capitaine D'Astardly
and novice soldier. Keen for the glory of battle but woefully
lacking experience 

Kapitan Simeon Maus of the Austrian Hoch-Und-Deutschemeister
Regiment. He hates the French, already. How much? A lot! Full of
the desire for military glory, he feels it's a pity he is wasting his time
guarding some gaudy hussy.

Ensign Enzo Papageno of the Grenzers. Fresh from the skirmish
at Sankt Norburg he's keen for another crack at the French

The foes: The French; 4 groups of Line Infantry and 3 of
Voltiguers. The Austrians; 4 groups of line and 3 of Grenzers.
5 Leaders per side

     Clutching the handfuls of lavender she had collected for her mistress's bath, Genevieve made her way back towards the rear of the inn. As she neared the gate as tall figure stepped from behind a tree. Genevieve stopped in her tracks, a look of wariness on her face. "Do not be afraid, madam, I mean you no harm" said the man. A  hunter from the look of him, thought Genevieve, that or a poacher. The man, ill shaven and shabbily dressed was carrying a well cared for fowling piece and had a satchel slung across one shoulder. "I have a message for your mistress" he continued, jerking a thumb towards the inn. "Tell her that her friends will come for her this very day; she must be prepared to leave and be prepared to travel light". Genevieve nodded then sighed; they had been held at the inn for three days past and, shabby as it was, it was certainly better accommodation than that of the previous week that she and her mistress had endured whilst on the run from the Austrians. The Austrians had caught up with them in the end in, of all places, a cave, and she and her mistress had been escorted to Muschelgemeinde and held in the Bischofskopf Inn since they arrived. It had taken the best part of those three days for Genevieve to clean and repair her mistress's clothes and shoes as well as her own. She had enjoyed sleeping under a roof again and the knowledge that they would get fed fairly regularly. But that was now about to end as the French came to rescue her mistress and that surely meant being on the move again; either with the French as they pursued the Austrians or with the Austrians as they fled from the French. Silently she cursed the French then said to the hunter "A message for my mistress, you say; but she has no friends hereabouts; she is a prisoner; held against her will by the soldiers of the Emperor Franz. What proof do I have that you are her "friend"?. At this the hunter smiled and reaching inside his jacket produced a small, tartan handkerchief "Her friend sends her this token as a proof of his sincerity" and so saying he pressed the handkerchief into Genevieve's hand and turned away, swiftly disappearing into a nearby copse of trees. Genevieve looked at the handkerchief, noting with relief that it was clean. She recognised the pattern; it was similar to the curtains she had seen on the carriage pf the French general who had "befriended" her mistress three weeks and many miles ago. Concealing the handkerchief in middle of the bunch of lavender she made her way to the inn and her mistress.. 

Taking the air on her balcony at the Bischofskopf Inn La
Contessa considers her future options and whether to risk
the wine they served with her dinner...

...before retiring to her room for a soothing bath, attended
by her maid servant, Genevieve, who passes on the message
and token the hunter had given her to her mistress. 

     "Make sure you put out those weighted tankards, Bruno" called Frau Bierhals to her husband in the cellar of the Bischofskopf Inn "These Austrians are thirsty pigs and will drink plenty but there's no need to give them full measures, eh?" When there came no immediate reply she called again, this time louder "Bruno, are you deaf? Did you hear me?" "Yes dearest" replied the henpecked inn keeper. Herr Bruno Beirhals had thought himself very lucky when he had married a much younger, pretty wife with such a large dowry but he should have realised that a large dowry meant trouble. It was a bait set by her father and Bruno had taken it, hook, line and sinker. Since their nuptials his wife, Brigitte, had dominated the conversation and everything else besides. Fortunately, having the only inn in Muschelgemeinde meant he didn't have to vie for custom as his sharp tongued, opinionated wife certainly spoiled the atmosphere for most of the locals but not enough to put them off their beer and skat.

      To add to his regular woes, the normally peaceful tranquility of Herr Biehals' world had been shattered three days previously when the Austrian soldiers and their captivating captive had arrived in Muschelgemiende. The Austrian colonel had insisted that she, a lady of noble birth and a "guest" of the Emperor Franz's army, "Must be given a room here as my regiment, encamped on the far side of the river, has no suitable accommodation for such a well bred lady". And, of course, Herr Bierhals would be fully paid for any inconvenience and for all food and drink supplied to the lady and her servant. A likely story thought Bruno but who was he to argue with a gentleman and an officer....and his ten guards with their muskets and bayonets. "Bruno!!" Brigitte's voice once more broke in on his reflections, this time  from the kitchen "BRUNO! Stop daydreaming; those soldiers have swapped over; the new guards are here and will be wanting refreshments; make sure you get money this time; the credit doesn't extend to the lady's guards!!" Herr Bierhals stomped up the stairs." And stop that noise, Herr Bierhals: are you an elephant?" "Yes dear; no dear" he said in reply and made a gesture of defiance at the half closed door of the kitchen then he scurried into the taproom of the inn just as the first of the new sentry shift walked in. That first man was a tall, jovial looking NCO wearing a black and yellow crested helmet "Gruss gott, mein herr" he said in a jovial tone " I am Feldwebel Leichenberg and it is my good fortune to be stationed in your handsome hostelry this day" Herr Bierhals smiled, flattered at the description of his somewhat shabby inn. Feldwebel Leichenberg continued " It's a warm day, no? Me and my lads are somewhat parched and have heard nothing but good reports of your famous beer; perhaps you could satisfy our curiosity as to the truth of these reports" The innkeeper, who wasn't the sharpest of men smiled in his ignorance though not sure if what the NCO had said was complimentary or not.

    At this point his wife walked into the taproom and asked what he was about. "I am just about to serve these gentlemen, dearest" he said, nodding towards the soldiers. "Ah, this must be your lovely daughter who's beauty we have also heard tell of" said Leichenberg. Brigitte opened her mouth to make a sharp retort then realised the Feldwebel was speaking about her. She straightened up and pushed a strand of blonde hair behind her slightly grubby ear and blushed "Ooh, get on with you" she simpered at the sergeant, a dashing looking fellow with his dark hair, flashing smile, waxed moustaches and very neat uniform. Turning to the nearest barrel Brigitte poured a generous tankard of beer for the NCO and carried it over to him along with a platter of wursts. Placing them on the table for Leichenberg she brushed clumsily against him. Leichenberg smiled at her "Your father has a treasure in you, fraulien" he said. Brigitte slapped him playfully on the shoulder causing him to spill some of the beer he had just picked up. "Get away wth you, that's not my father, that's my husband" she said. "Then he is even more lucky than I had assume" said Leichenberg "A toast to lucky innkeepers and their lovely wives!" and so saying, Leichenberg drained his tankard then slapped it down on the table. Within moments Brigitte had refilled it,  from a large jug, leaning over him as she did so, her plunging neckline inches from the sergeant's face. His men laughed as more beer appeared and placing their muskets against the wall they sat down on the rough hewn benches and helped themselves to the beer and sausage..

..meanwhile Herr Bierhals and his wife have to accept the inconvenience of
having the lady and her guards thrust upon them and will have to accept the not
very trustworthy note of credit in exchange for their bother!!

      The two French officers made an incongruous sight clinging to the higher branches of the oak tree. "Do you see them, Jacque?" asked D'Astardly of his companion, Lieutenant Jacques Belchene, and handed him his small spyglass. Belchene, his arms wrapped around the tree trunk held the glass to his eye, struggled to get it focused then gazed at the inn. He just caught sight of the last of the Austrian soldiers entering the inn. "Ah, I see some Austrian troops going into the inn; very wise in this warm weather" said Belchene. He then swept the glass up to the first floor window. A movement in the window caught his eye. He gazed as a strikingly beautiful red haired woman passed the window dressed in a very flimsy dressing gown which she dropped as she disappeared from view "Mon Dieu!" he muttered. "What is it? What have you seen, Jacque? Trouble" said D'Astardly shimmying closer to the young Voltiguer lieutenant. "Eh? Um, no, nothing, mon capitain" he replied "Nothing, that is, to worry us. If this guide can get my men and myself to the back of the inn unseen it shouldn't be too difficult to rescue the prisoner". Suddenly this didn't seem like such a suicidal mission after all, thought Lieutenant Belchene. 

      D'Astardly took back the spy glass and looked once more at the inn, speaking as he did so "Our guide can certainly get you there undetected. We will intercept and divert anyone who attempts to interfere with your mission. I will bring my men along the main road while you are going into the inn and...." he paused the let out a low whistle "Mon Dieu indeed, Jacque" he laughed "I envy you your mission" he said as the red haired woman walked past the window once more. "No wonder the Old Jacobite wants her back....yes, one can certainly see her...her attractions" The young lieutenant blushed silently, glad that the captain's attention was focused on the inn and held his hand out once more for the spyglass but the captain had thrust it away in his pocket. "Come Jacque, we can't stay up here all day playing the voyuer; there's work to be done" and he quickly made his way down to his men sitting in the shade of the oak wood. Stealing one last, longing glance back at the inn, Lieutenant Belchene followed the captain back down....

     The guide stopped in the shadow of a small, quiet house "All the folk are working in the fields at the moment, Herr Leutnant, apart from those two rascals, Kitzler and Vormelker, who pretend to be out of work swineherds and are now supping ale with the Austrians in the bar: swineherds..bah..they wouldn't know one end of a pig from the other....loafers more like!" The guide looked like he was about to launch into a lengthy diatribe so Belchene interrupted him "The back way into the inn, Monsieur?" The guide stopped talking and gestured for the lieutenant and his picked men to follow him. Soon they reached the back gate of the inn and tentatively Belchene pushed at the  It was locked. "You will find a ladder in the back yard, Herr Leutnant; that will assist you in getting to the balcony and the lady" said the guide. "Merci" said Belchene "Alright men, remember the plan. Caporal Chevalier, you take your men around the front and divert the sentries; a couple of volleys through the windows should work. We will attend to the lady; understood?" Caporal Chevalier nodded and led his men toward the front of the inn. Belchene addressed the remainder of his men "Quickly, Aznavour...no, you are too...petite; Distel, climb over the gate and open it from within." 

Caporal Chevalier leads his men to carry out their part of the
rescue mission

..while their guide disappears into the shadows, his work done

     Ordering his men into column, Capitan D'Astardly drew his sword and pointing down the road he cried "30th Legere!! Avant, mon braves!"....

The drum beating, D'Astardly leads his men towards yet more
potential glory

     Ensign Papgeno threw down his hand of cards in disgust. Already he was down 20 forints and his luck didn't look like it was going to change anytime soon. "Another hand?" piped Ensign Orsini-Rosenberg. Papgeno considered the youthful Orsini-Rosenberg, irked by his irritating self confidence, casual manner and apparent wealth. He was on the cusp of saying, somewhat rashly "Yes, why ever not" when one of his Grenzers, dashing headlong into the room and crying out "Sir! Sir! The French are in the village" saved him. Leaping to his feet and grabbing his belt and his pistol he said "Later, Orsini, it sounds like we have work to do; come along" thinking meanwhile that perhaps his luck was changing after all...

Alerted to the threat, Ensign Papageno leads his men into the
village just as Caporal Chevalier and his men sneak around
the inn. Papageno orders one group to fire on them..

..., but not taking any casualties, Caporal Chevalier and his men
hurry on to complete their part of the plan

While, to Papageno's horror a column of French infantry appear marching
down the village main street. He orders his other group of Grenzers to
fire on them...

In the tap room, Feldwebel Leichenberg, on hearing the musketry, swiftly
finishes his drink and rouses his men to action.. 

While Belchene and his group ascend the rickety ladder to the balcony
......I didn't have to write that, did I? You had worked that bit out on
your own, hadn't you?

Chevalier and his group pour fire into the taproom. French dogs,
don't they know there are paying guests in there!!

     Splashing through the ford near the village, Kapitan Simeon Maus exhorted his men to hurry. If this was a French rescue attempt then here was his chance to make a name for himself. If he could nip this rescue attempt in the bud and prevent the escape of that so called spy with the Count of Monte Don, commander of the Austrian forces in this part of Bavaria looking on then there must surely be a promotion in it. He must be bold, decisive and above all, victorious! 

Leading his men through one of the village lanes, Maus
espies the French force and orders his men to engage them..

..which they do with some effect before giving them a damned
good thrashing which was bold, decisive and victorious!!

However, unbeknown to Maus, the main French force were now
deploying into line and taking careful aim at his flanks..

Under D'Astardly's direction, the French line deliver a
very effective volley on all the enemy to their front

Very effective indeed, catching most of the Austrian force with that first
volley. With the enemy is disarray, D'Astardly sends Cherubino and a
group of Line to assist Lieutenant Belchene. Behind the main firing line,
Sergeant Moutely and another group of line await orders

Disarray everywhere. Caporal Chevalier's group are falling back in
fear of their lives..

     The young Count Orsini-Rosenberg watched Ensign Papgeno lead his men towards the village. Hating Papageno for ordering him to guard the ford, sure that this was Papageno's way of getting back at him for being so lucky at cards he resolved to disobey Ensign Papageno and seek glory in battle with the French. After all, wasn't he an Orsini-Rosenberg, one of the noblest families in the Hapsburg Empire. And Papageno's family were merchants!! Eugh! He spoke to bunch of grubby looking soldiers with him " You men shall come with me. I have decided we shall take the enemy by surprise in the flank" For Ensign Orisini-Rosenberg had spotted a route to the enemies unguarded flank, along the side of a nearby barn. The men looked sullen at his exclamation. Damn their eyes he thought, bloody peasants the lot of them. "Come! Come quickly!" he said and leaving the ford headed towards the rear of the barn, the bulk of which hid them from the enemy. The Grenzers looked at one another, shrugged their shoulders, straightened their moustaches, picked up their muskets and followed the young upstart...

Orsini-Rosenberg springs his surprise which is countered by
the French group under Sgt Moutley 

     In the gloomy corridor Belchene halted by the door to the lady's bed chamber. The corridor was crowded with his Voltiguers and he was grateful for the dimness of the corridor, it hid his blushing face. Nervously he tapped on the door. But the tapping was barely audible above the din of battle outside. "Why am I tapping?" he muttered to himself "She's only a woman". Straightening himself up he banged on the door. "Madame, open the door! We have come to your rescue!" The door swung open and there was the lady herself "The door wasn't locked, my brave lieutenant" she said, smiling. "And I am sure a miserable little door like this wouldn't keep out a strong, determined man like you" she added, gazing at him. Belchene blushed, bowed to her and stammered "We..we must go swiftly, madame; we are in the bosom of the enemy here; come quickly" La Contessa smiled mischievously at him " I must take one or two things, my lieutenant; Genevieve; the purse and the small chest; quickly girl". Beyond the contessa a young woman picked up a large, ornate bag and stooped to pick up a small iron bound wooden chest. "My lady, if you please?" said Belchene indicating to La Contessa to stand to one side "Aznavour, that chest; quickly" The small soldier darted inside and picked up the chest, gasping as he did so. It was very heavy. "Careful with that, mon cher" said La Contessa to Aznavour. Belchene bristled, that Aznavour, just wait till some shitty detail came up, he would pay! Reaching the small balcony Belchene sent down two of his men before preceding La Contessa on the ladders, assisting her were necessary and even when not; such exquisite ankles!...

Belchene and his men reach La Contessa's room

...as the Austrian officers struggle to bring some order to their
battered forces

     Shouting orders to his men, Ensign Papageno pondered what the French were up to. They were obviously trying to rescue the prisoner held in the inn but they were going about it in a most clumsy, blundering and obvious fashion, marching up the road and the banging away at all and sundry. Certainly, given time, they might defeat Kapitan Maus and his company but there was a large force encamped on the other side of the river, the French could not be ignorant of that, and Austrian reinforcements would be arriving soon. So why this behaviour? Unless they were attempting to distract Kapitan Maus's company while the prisoner escaped. That must be it; a diversion. "Cease Fire! Cease fire!" he shouted to his men. They stopped firing though they reloaded their muskets out of habit. Papageno drew his pistol "Come, men, with me. The French are up to their tricks!"

Papageno and his men head for the rear of the inn..

..just as Belchene and his party reach the bottom of the ladder;
a race was about to develop

The centre of the village had become a battlefield

     As his men continued to fire, reload and fire at the disarrayed Austrians, D'Astardly felt that he had the matter in hand. The Austrians would be too busy to even consider La Contessa to bother Belchene. From behind him came a volley of musket balls which caused one of his men to collapse, clutching his throat; blood welling between his fingers. "What the devil!" he cried and turned to see a small group of brown coated Austrian troops led by an even smaller officer in a bicorne. Turning back to his men he shouted to an NCO on the far side of his small line. "Caporal Brel, keep your men firing at those Austrian dogs!  Caporal Herge; you and your men with me! We must thrash these impudent swine" The French infantry men, sweating, powder blackened and angered at the attack from the barn charged at the small group of Grenzers and were upon them in moments. Roused to fury, D'Astardly charged at the young officer, sabre in hand. The youngster gaped in terror at the huge French officer bearing down on him and he raised his sword hesitantly. D'Astardly was almost on him when he realised how young the officer looked; no more than a child. At the last moment he altered his sabre swing to a punch and knocked the boy officer over, leaping onto the boy's elegant looking sword and snapping it effortlessly before slashing at one of the Austrians in front of him. The combat was fierce but swift and decisive for the French. "Leave them!" he shouted at his men as they began to loot the bodies "Time for that later, lads; this battle isn't finished. Back to the line; hurry, hurry!" Passing the prone body of the young officer he swiftly checked for a pulse. Good, there was one as well as a large bruise on his face where D'Astardly had hit him. He'll recover, thought D'Astardly. He swiftly and mechanically checked the jacket pockets of the prone figure. A very nice Breget watch, a small but heavy purse, a grubby pack of cards which he threw away and, best of all, a spyglass; a small, beautifully made telescope; a far better instrument than his own by the look of it. There's a just reward for your good deed, Richard, he thought to himself, pocketing his plunder, before running after his men...

     Reaching his men as the NCOs began to get them back into order he saw Lt Belchene and his party arrive. Behind him, somewhat flushed (and, mon Dieu, didn't that suit her complexion), was the general's "bonny" as he called her. She was very "bonny" indeed thought D'Astardly. Belchene was close by her, obviously enjoying his duty to the full by providing her with close, perhaps too close protection. Behind them came Belchene's men in a gaggle, one carrying a small chest and the others closely protecting La Contessa's maid, the dogs! If it's not beer, wine or food, it's women!

Reunited and it feels so good...well at least for the General. For the
moment, La Contessa is content to be out of the clutches of the Austrians
and to have some protection for her and her treasure

     Removing his hat with a gallant flourish, General McSournois bowed to La Contessa, the sun glinting through the wisps of hair combed over his balding pate. He then growled slightly at the young officer beside her "Thank you, lieutenant...lieutenant?.." "Belchene, sir, Lieutenant Belchene of the Voltiguers" said Belchene brightly, springing to attention, looking at the general then glancing at La Contessa from the corner of his eye. "Of course, Lieutenant Belchene; thank you...you have duties to attend to now, eh?" continued the general. Belchene, still standing to attention, took a moment to realise he was being dismissed. He quickly saluted the general and spinning on his heel heard La Contessa address the general "Lieutenant Belchene is a very gallant officer, my dear McSournois; he has plucked me from the claws of the enemy!" blushing and excited as a schoolboy at the end of term, Belchene ran towards his men, shouting and gesticulating at them to get them back into the ongoing fray though paying little heed himself to the contradictory orders he was giving them.

     "Aye, no doubt he did, my bonny lass, and he will be well rewarded for his efforts" replied McSournois.  " However my first duty is to take you...ahem..to take you safely from this battlefield; I will take you myself in this carriage...to safety" he continued, indicating a carriage with a team of six horses leading it. Surrounding it was a troop of dragoons, resplendent in their glistening helmets, green coats and tall, polished boots. So saying, McSournois dismounted somewhat stiffly from his horse and, offering his arm to La Contessa, led her to the carriage. Behind them the battle was beginning to die down as the D'Astardly and Belchene quickly organised their men, redistributed ball and powder from the wounded and dead and began a quick though wary withdrawal from Muschelgemeinde...

It was this close in game terms

     And that, dear reader, is how the general got his bonny back. Even though I played this scenario back in October of last year, sitting down to write this batrep brought a lot of the action back to me. And it was a long game, mostly due to the fact that my wife stayed at her sisters that night so I had an "empty" and I could stop now and then for "refreshments".

     I can see now the value of trialing a scenario before you unleash it on an unsuspecting public at a games day too. It wasn't till I started that I realised how quickly the French could have got most of their force into the town centre by using the secondary deployment point (the guide) But that's a moot point as I don't think I would take this to the next Deep Fried Lard event...whenever that will be. The actual game was fantastic fun. Again, not favouring either side and just following the more obvious decisions and letting the dice do the rest led to an enjoyable day's worth of solo gaming.

     Obviously, from the narrative above, you will have noticed there is very little mention of dice roll results, Bad Things Happening etc. I decided to skip writing about that as I really wanted to present the game as a story, one that developed from the scenario and the fickleness of the dice gods. I deliberately missed out a bit of the action, for instance Maus' attempt to regain control of the situation. Papgeno's pursuit of Belchene's group (they rolled very high when they started running from the inn and soon outpaced the Grenzers) who in turn were interdicted by Cherubino's group mostly because I could sense Tolstoy turning in his grave and feeling the length of his opus magnus, War & Peace, was being threatened. 

     As well as that I have tried to keep the intro to a minimum so as to not overload the post. A trend I may continue as I am not sure if folk want to read all about how many men in a group and what they are armed with etc. No, a brief intro and into the story will be the way ahead, methinks. 

     Thanks for reading my blurb, I hope you enjoyed it. If you have any comments, suggestions (not rude ones, well  not too rude) or observations on this post, feel free to leave them on here rather than Facebook where they will get lost in time.

Pip pip for now,

Jimbob, General etc