Sugaring The Pill a Kiss Me Hardy batrep

Kiss Me Hardy is a set of Napoleonic naval wargamingg rules published in PDF form  by the Too Fat Lardies . I have had the rules for a while now but last Saturday was my first game of Kiss Me Hardy (KMH) at WorLard and, it'd be fair to say, I loved it. 

The scenario involved a convoy of merchantmen conveying sugar to Greenock, on the Clyde where Messrs I Arnbrew and company, creators and purveyors of medicinal drinks to those suffering from the self inflicted injuries of over imbibement (other hangover cures are available but are very inferior!!)

This convoy has been spotted by a French squadron under the command of Capitaine Jacque Micab, sailing under a Letter of Marque, is aboard his flagship, the Duguay Trouin with his highly trained and experienced crew. His squadron sets off in two divisions, he commanding one consisting of the Duguay Trouin; (3rd rate 74 guns), the Formidable (3rd rate 80 guns) and the Scipion (3rd rate 74 guns). The other division is under a wealthy aristocrat, Capitaine David Chasseur. Chasseur's ship, the Redoubtable (3rd rate 74 guns) the Brillainte and the Honore (both 3rdrate, both 64 guns).

Micab had also spotted, as they were very obvious, a British fleet under the command of Commodore Farrow. This fleet consisted of Farrow's flagship, HMS Caesar, HMS Captain, HMS Culloden, under the command of Captain Paul, and HMS Zealous. The British squadron were also all 3rd rate ships and all carrying 74 guns each.

Captaine Micab snapped close his telescope, looked towards the ships ahead of his fleet. The convoy of merchant men were going hell for leather with every sail set,towards the darkening horizon. The British sailing on the opposite tack, were going to have to wear round to engage his fleet. Micab had the weather gauge and a slim chance of both a fat prize and a chance to give the British a bloody nose befoore night fell, as it did so  swiftly in the parts. It was a terribly slim chance but the only one they would have for a long while. 
He called to his First Mate. "Lt Cantona, signal the Redoutable; she is to pursue the convoy in company with the Honore and the Brilliante. We will intercept the Ros Bouefs and keep them amused"  Cantona groaned inwardly, this mad idiot would get them all killed, including Polly le Parrot but, masking his dismay replied "Oui, mon capitain;; Redooubtable et al to pursue the convoy. We to amuse the British"..

The French fleet divides;  the Duguy Trouin, is in the centre of the left hand division whilst the Redoubtable leads the right. Ahead, the British pass the convoy, intent on tacking into  the wind and to come upon the French  port side

the noble French mariners pursue the enemy......and lots of lovely lucre   

The British attempt to get in position to attack the French

Micab felt the Duguy Trouin shudder and heard the shockingly loud crack as the main mast snapped. He ws thrown to the deck with the impact of the two ships colliding. His plan was coming undone. True they had bloodied the nose of the British when both the Duguy Trouin and the Scipion had both raked the Caesar as they had across her bows. But now the biter was bit; the British ships Culloden and Zealous cutting the line , Nelson fashion, between the Formidable and the Duguy Trouin, had raked his ship from close quarters, very close quarters. So close that the Duguy Trouin had ran afoul the Zealous, losing her bowsprit and then her main mast.
Micab rose to his feet. Around him the deck was in chaos; a tangle of spars, sails, rigging, overturned cannon and dead and dying, so many dead and dying French mariners.  But there were still many alive and, realising the immediate danger his ship was in, drew his sword and called out to those still living "to arms, mes amis! the English are boarding us!!    

The Culloden rakes the Duguy Trouin before successfully boarding the French flagship and carrying her

Aboard the Redoubtable, Capitain Chassuer listenend to his first leautenant's report "The rudder is repaired, mon capitaine, and the carpenter reports a metre of water in the hold". Chassuer pondered for  a moment. Very well, Leautenant Ginola, we can manouvre again and the pumps can deal with the water we are shipping. Signal Brilliante to pursue the convoy and to keep them in sight. Honore and ourselves, we wil distract the British and, hopefully, Formidable and Scipion an disengage from the British then between us, we may yet pull Capitaine Micab's chestnuts from thee fiire, non?"

Brilliante attempts to close with the convoy before night shrouds them

And there you have it; a bloody stalemate. Given a few more turns the French might have triumphed in the actual battle though in all likelihood they would have lost the convoy. However a British 3rd rate or two as prizes would easily have offset that disappointment.

Either way there's many a hung over Scotsman who'll be glad the Royal Navy showed up when they did...och aye the noo!!

PS. Animal lovers do not panic. Polly le Parrot was exchanged along with the remainder of those crew members of the Duguy Trouin who survived the battle.